The Lost Art of Husbanding




a married man, esp. when considered in relation to his wife.

British. a manager.

Archaic. a prudent or frugal manager.
–verb (used with object)


to manage, esp. with prudent economy.

to use frugally; conserve: to husband one’s resources.



to be or become a husband to; marry.

to find a husband for.

to till; cultivate.
     My own dear husband and I met, became friends, and fell in love in 1987 in Lubbock, Texas.  At the time, I was very seriously preparing myself for a career as an attorney, and so was he.  In retrospect, our relationship seems more and more a miracle.  I had a family history of unhealthy relationships, and the men I had chosen to date  up until that point had all been inappropriate for one glaringly obvious reason or another.  I was trying to wean myself from pursuing the weird and the bad, but I had no idea what I was looking for, or that I was even looking.  I found it so easy to get close to him in law school because I could see that he was taking his studies as seriously as I did, and therefore I could trust him not to ask me for more attention than I could give.  As our friendship blossomed, we became inseparable.  I felt incredibly comfortable with him.  I realize now that it was because he was the first person I had ever dated who truly wanted what was best for me, not what he could get from me — he had begun to earn my absolute trust.  He encouraged me to study and achieve my goals, even when it meant I had less time and energy for him.
     As in definitions 2 and 3 above, he helped me to manage my own resources wisely, and as in #7, he “cultivated” me as my own person, not as an extension or himself, or for his own use.  He was irresistable.
     We’ll have been married 20 years in August, and he continues to grow into his role as “husband” in all it’s definitions.  Just yesterday, my daughter called from school that her tire was flat.  Todd had to go to work, but even so, he had me covered.  Several years ago, we had, at his insistence, joined AAA.  Because he works hard enough that we can afford AAA, and because he had taken action to ensure that I would never be stranded with a bum car somewhere, I was able to solve my daughter’s problem without ever getting my hands dirty.  This is also the man who greeted the news of an unexpected late-in-life pregnancy without a trace of dismay or consternation, but only with tears of joy and the perfect name for the new baby.
     I trust you completely, and I love you. Husbanding is not a lost art to you.   Happy birthday tomorrow, Todd!

About tisawhite

I'm a mother of 4 children. I'm Catholic and I'm a lawyer.
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